Sunday Sceneggiata

Post/Op

Fri., Nov . 20, 2009

CHICAGO - Holding back tears, Oprah Winfrey told her studio audience Friday that she would end her show in 2011 after a quarter-century on the air, saying prayer and careful thought led her to her decision.

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What’s next?

I already know. Or at least believe I know. In my heart.

But the spirit of openness. And propriety. And gratitude. Commands that I ask this question of you. The people. My staff. Because I truly belong to you. The universe. (not the other way around, though often it does seem that way. )

That.
And second-guessing.

So. I ask (humbly)
What’s next?

Suggestions. Anyone?
Or should I just read the response cards from the audience?

Let’s see..
Here’s one..

Why not rename The first decade of the 2000s “The Opraughts?”
Why not? Because there’s only one year left.

Might as well rename Kleenex – Oprex? Why? Because it’s something we use everyday. Or let’s rename the sun.. umm. “Oprah.” We use that everyday.

And then we can call the Roman calendar the Oprah calendar. What’s the difference?

It’s the same. Only more gratitude for each day.

Speaking of the 21st century, There’s been talk of my seizing the White House, which I would like to dispel. First of all, the job is already taken, and Valerie Jarrett is a good friend and homegirl.

And while I would not be the first black president, I would be the first “real” black president. And the first woman president. But what does that make Stedman?

And if you think trudging to your acupuncturist in Chicago in February is a Siberan death march, try keeping your hair straight in D.C.! In August?. .

Suh-WAAMP-EEEYY!

Next?

Host the Oscars?

(a moment of contemplation)

But wouldn’t it be odd if the host won an Oscar?
Let me ask you - Why Oscar?

Why not Opscar?
My name on the statuette bearing my name?

And hosting the Barbara Walters interviews after.
Interviewing myself about myself.

(another contemplative pause)

Two words (one hypen)
Over-kill.

Next!



Why would I want Dubai?
What would I do with Dubai?
I don't have a closet big enough for Dubai..

What's that?
Well that IS a good price…
Can we talk 'em down if I pay cash?

Put it in the “maybe” box..

Nexxxxt..

Something juicy please, something..
(blush)
Oh no no no..
Yoko-oh-no-no-no..

No, because I'm more of a spiritual person than a religious person
and I'd be competing with the Jews and the followers of the Buddha
and the Mormons. And Travolta.

And while I love the idea of my own religion (in theory)
the responsibility, the paperwork..

And if the Beatles were bigger than G-d..
And I'm bigger than the Beatles..

Well.. do the math.

Wait - aren't all those (air quotation marks) “churches” tax-exempt?

Hmm..
Intrigued.
Not sold.
But put a pin in it - VERY intrigued…

Batter up!

Ooooooo..
I like this..

I like this A LOT
This.. speaks my name..

Say what?
Don't tell me that girlfriend!

There's no such thing as Emperor of the Universe??
Then who was that old fool in “Star Wars?”

Get back to me on that.
And bring me a pomegranate seed salad while you're at it..

(Lunch Break)

(Nap)

(Massage Break)

Hello, beautiful.

I thought on it
I mediated.
I visioned.
I prayed.

And on this, the 21st day of the month of Opranary in this final year of the Opraughts..

I have made a decision.

I'm going to do what I do best.
What I was put on this planet..
(in gratitude)
To do.

I'm going to do a tv show.
But not just any tv show.
Not just my old tv show.

No, in this one..
I play a cop.