Sunday Sceneggiata

music/up&down courtesy/the mountains and the trees http://www.rockandroots.com

Roman/à clef

ZURICH (DICTATED LETTER from undisclosed location CENSORED by Swiss Justice Ministry)

My Dearest Wife(s)

As I write I sweep away the last crumbs of my paltry prison breakfast – pain au chocolat (stone-cold) orange juice (concentrate, I suspect) eggs (over-poached) and a pauper’s wedge of cheese (runny) I ask that you plead my case with the lawyers, the French government, and the court of public opinion.

Please speak to the children – perhaps in a low, gravely accent from an adjoining room, just as they are falling asleep – and remind them that although he is being held captive behind bars, like an animal without acceptable moisturizer or bottled wasser – their papa is a man, a flawed man, a man who has made mistakes. And counsel them, again, in hushed tones, perhaps over a speakerphone, oui? – not to make the same mistakes I, by no fault of my own, save for my puckish spirit and predisposition toward elfin mischief, have made.

Let us not compound these errors my love(s.) Chins up! While I am in the care of the Swiss government, life goes on! Alas, would you please set the DVR to record the Hell’s Kitchen Finale and next week’s Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares. And do not forget to postpone our October 11 reservation at L’Ambroisie (indefinitely.) Injustice and liberty denied shall not affect long-standing relationships with favorite maître d’s.

Yours,

R.

.......

Written in spidery hand on the back of a Lindt Chocoletti Stracciatella Bar WRAPPER

Dear Madame and Mr. President Secretary Clinton (and Chelsea)

Surely YOU understand. I am the victim of a Frankenstein witch-hunt. A vast right-wing conspiracy! For too long have the names Polanski and Clinton been slandered (though rarely in the same breath) on Fox News and held over the devilish flames of politically motivated inquisition. I say to fathead Glen Beck, YOU FIB!

Sweet Madame, I know you are a busy woman, a citizen of the world whose passport has been stamped more times than Carla Bruni (wink) but as they say in America, if you want something done right, go to the top! And I know of no higher authority in the Department of State - save for Vice-President Biden, who does not list his email online.

Rest assured I would have voted for you, save for my status as a citizen of the Republique Française. France, where the great libertarian and free-thinker Thomas Jefferson – middle namesake of your own free-swinging husband “Le Willy Luisant” – could educate and cavort with his true love Sally Hemmings! I appeal to your sense of patriotism, your sense of propriety, your sense of persecution!

And if all else fails, may I opt instead for traffic school?

Check enclosed,


A victim of circumstance
 .......



Scrawled on a cigarette rolling paper found as a MESSAGE IN A (Moet & Chandon) CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE

The Most Reverend Jesse Jackson –

My pleas to Amnesty International and the liberal media have fallen on deaf ears. Won’t you please help? In casting terms, you were always my first choice. If I were making a movie -- and believe me, before this Swiss sting operation, that’s exactly what I did between ski vacations and bible study – and I needed a suave, silver-tongued spiritual and social activist leader to play the private citizen cum diplomatic emissary, the role would be yours to lose! Man-to-man – we both rock a mean turtleneck, which is my way of saying “I dig your style.”

Let me put it another way – a non-nuclear Iran may be beyond your influence, but THIS is something you can accomplish.

Praying for a hero,


The Littlest Auteur

.......

EMAIL originally transcribed on a piece of one-ply toilet paper
 

To: bono@Amnestyinternatinal.org
cc: charlierose@bloomberg.com
cc: jerryspringer@jerry!jerry.tv

Good sirs –

Together you are the three most powerful men in the Jewish dominated media, and while only one of you is “technically” a member of the tribe, the remaining pair either work for Jews, or closely “identify” with our struggle. Though none of you are a filmmaker (nor need the gig to get with chicks – you all do fine on your own!) I ask that you lend your voices, and signatures, and bully pulpits to the huddle masses which have lined up behind me in support.

These include Oscar™ winner Martin Scorcese (not Jewish, but New York Italian!) Woody Allen (King of Jews!) Debra Winger (Oscar™-nominated Jewess!) Adrien Brody (Three-quarters Jew!) Sir Ben Kingsley (Gandhi AND a Jew!)

Why should you care? It is simple my landsman - Today, a Swiss prison, tomorrow a HUAC tribunal? There but for the grace of G-d, let he without sin, etc et al.

Let me be the first to wish you a belated L’shana Tovah!


Roman (my real last name) Polański

.......

ETCHED on a 1ply Dryer Fabric Softener sheet dropped at American Express, Zurich

Dear (NAME DELETED)

Free at last! Free at last!
I am out!

Without the time nor inclination for a “Hudsucker” denouement, I took matters into my own hands and volunteered for the prison laundry - an undesirable task in inhumane conditions – ever hear of “Swiss Laundry?” Exactement! 

Mummified in the scratchy sheets of my tormented sleep (150 thread count – sandpaper!) I tumbled vertiginously through an energy-saving cycle before squeezing out, born-again into newfound liberty via the linty loins of a steam vent. I am shaken, but not stirred, and my shirts have never been cleaner.

Disguised as a homely house frau in chain store-purchased dungarees – think of a taller Linda Hunt - I intend to sneak back into my hotel suite and retrieve—

POP! Flashbulbs! Merde!

PAPARAZZI!

And me in my chain store denim!


Jean Valjean


.......

E.C.U. (Extreme Close-up) DIGITAL VIDEO recorded on media card found in pocket of Wrangler (children’s) jeans retrieved outside Zurich Prison

Forgive me for I am weak.

(And for my derivative and under-lit composition - tres “Blair Witch.”)

I am returning to my Swiss hell, a baby bird to his nest. I am not meant for a life on the streets, hounded like a fox for the sport of those blood thirsty savages who will not be satisfied until I am ensconced in a squalid American minimum security facility for a presumed stay of 16 months to three years. (minus good behavior.)

Define “good behavior.”

I’d rather eat Nutella,

(Napoleon-in-Exile)
RP.